At Relate Pennine Keighley and Craven, we have long recognised that childhood sexual abuse does terrible damage to its victims and that the road to recovery can take a lifetime.

Because of this we have developed separate services for male and female survivors which are effective in delivering both practical and therapeutic support and which, according to the reports of our clients, can make a real difference to the quality of their lives and relationships.

The Shed Project (for male survivors aged 16 years plus)

For men who have suffered sexual abuse as children, it is hard, and sometimes impossible to talk about what happened to them. In our world men are still not supposed to cry or feel scared or admit to weakness or vulnerability.

So what happens to men who try to go about their daily life when, inside, they feel like they are about to fall apart?

Here are some comments made by real male survivors:

“I could not see anybody loving me, I could not see anybody liking me or wanting to be with me. I could not see myself as significant...”

"And sometimes if I lose the slightest control, I think I’m going to die inside, I really do. I feel like I’m going to lose it, I’m going to die...”

"I can’t trust anyone. Ever. As soon as I trust someone, it’s like I’m giving them the power to crucify me…”

“If they knew what I thought, they’d never let me in society…there’s an incredible amount of violence and stuff that runs through my mind. I’m terrified of it…”

What does the Shed Project do?

At the heart of the Shed Project is a 12 week programme of therapeutic groupwork, supported, if necessary by limited amounts of one-to-one counselling.

When men contact us we immediately put them in contact with the counsellors who will be running the next appropriate therapeutic group and an initial appointment is then made between the counsellors and the potential client.

At the initial appointment, our counsellors explore with the client whether the groupwork would be suitable for them at this stage in their lives and also look at how the client feels about working in a therapeutic group context.

Frankly, at this early point, it is not unusual for clients to be a little uneasy about participating in a therapeutic group, and because of this it is sometimes agreed that a small number of one-to-one counselling sessions can be provided in order to help the client build a relationship with Relate and gradually find the confidence to work with other male survivors in a group context.

In terms of personnel, the Shed Project is delivered by highly experienced and professional male counsellors who have a particular interest in, and knowledge of, childhood sexual abuse and its long-term effects on male survivors.

What will the Shed groupwork achieve?

During the 12 week groupwork, our counsellors negotiate with the group about the detail of the course programme, with the result that each group quickly develops a unique collective personality of its own. There is, however, a core programme and this will nearly always include the following issues::

• building self-esteem and confidence
• learning how to deal with flashbacks, nightmares and panic attacks
• managing feelings of anger and other negative emotions
• ditching useless and counterproductive feelings of shame and guilt
• looking at how to build better relationships
• learning how to trust other people and deal with the urge to control

At present, we are running groups in both Keighley and Huddersfield. To learn more about how we might be able to help you, and to get in touch with one of our Shed counsellors, please contact our Keighley office.

The Lily Project (for female survivors aged 16 plus)

One of the saddest things about survivors of childhood sexual abuse is that they often feel ashamed of what happened to them, and even blame themselves for allowing the abuse to happen.

That’s why for women who join our Lily Project, Lily stands for:

Lessons In Loving Yourself.

What is the Lily Project?

At the heart of the Lily Project is a 12 week programme of therapeutic groupwork, supported, if necessary by limited amounts of one-to-one counselling.

When women first contact us we put them in contact with the counsellors who will be running the next appropriate therapeutic group, and an initial appointment is then made between the counsellors and the potential client.

At this initial appointment, our counsellors will explore with the client whether the groupwork would be suitable for them at this stage in their lives and also look at how the client feels about working in a therapeutic group context.

Frankly, at this early point, it is not unusual for clients to be a little uneasy about participating in a therapeutic group, and because of this it is sometimes agreed that a small number of one-to-one counselling sessions can be provided in order to help the client build a relationship with Relate and gradually find the confidence to work with other female survivors in a group context.

In terms of personnel, please be reassured that the Lily Groups are always run entirely by highly experienced female counsellors who have a special interest in, and knowledge of, childhood abuse and its long-term effects.

What will the groupwork achieve?

During the 12 week groupwork, our counsellors negotiate with the group about the detail of the course programme, with the result that each group quickly develops a unique collective personality and way of working. There is, however, a core programme and this will nearly always include the following issues:

• building self-esteem and confidence
• learning how to deal with flashbacks, nightmares and panic attacks
• managing feelings of anger and other negative emotions
• ditching useless and counterproductive feelings of shame and guilt
• looking at how to build better relationships
• learning how to trust other people and deal with the urge to control

To learn more about how we might be able to help you, and to get in touch with one of our Lily counsellors, please contact our Keighley office.

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